Celebrity March Mammary Madness

March is here and that means it is time for “March Madness” in the heathen West. For those who don’t know “March Madness” refers to the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament. A tournament that pits African tribesman against one another at the sport of “basketball” for the amusement of overweight whites and the profit of Jews.

In response to this shameful heathen basketball tournament we here at Celeb Jihad have developed a far grander competition called “March Mammary Madness” in which topless celebrities square off against each other to win the coveted title of “Top Titties in Tinseltown”

Winners were selected by a consensus of sheiks, imams, and clerics based on which breasts they would most like to tongue lash. Below are the results of the tournament thus far.

The Areola Eight

 

scarlett-johansson, mary-elizabeth-winstead, katy-perry, kate-beckinsale, emma-watson, celeb-jihad
#1 Scarlett Johansson
VS scarlett-johansson, mary-elizabeth-winstead, katy-perry, kate-beckinsale, emma-watson, celeb-jihad
#8 Michelle Tractenburg

Winner: Scarlett Johansson

 

scarlett-johansson, mary-elizabeth-winstead, katy-perry, kate-beckinsale, emma-watson, celeb-jihad
#2 Katy Perry
VS scarlett-johansson, mary-elizabeth-winstead, katy-perry, kate-beckinsale, emma-watson, celeb-jihad
#7 Kate Beckinsale

Winner: Katy Perry

 

scarlett-johansson, mary-elizabeth-winstead, katy-perry, kate-beckinsale, emma-watson, celeb-jihad
#3 Jenna Fischer
VS scarlett-johansson, mary-elizabeth-winstead, katy-perry, kate-beckinsale, emma-watson, celeb-jihad
#6 Emma Watson

Winner: Emma Watson

 

scarlett-johansson, mary-elizabeth-winstead, katy-perry, kate-beckinsale, emma-watson, celeb-jihad
#4 Sienna Miller
VS scarlett-johansson, mary-elizabeth-winstead, katy-perry, kate-beckinsale, emma-watson, celeb-jihad
#5 Mary Elizabeth Winstead

Winner: Mary Elizabeth Winstead

 

The Funbag Four

 

scarlett-johansson, mary-elizabeth-winstead, katy-perry, kate-beckinsale, emma-watson, celeb-jihad
#1 Scarlett Johansson
VS scarlett-johansson, mary-elizabeth-winstead, katy-perry, kate-beckinsale, emma-watson, celeb-jihad
#6 Emma Watson

Winner: Scarlett Johansson

 

scarlett-johansson, mary-elizabeth-winstead, katy-perry, kate-beckinsale, emma-watson, celeb-jihad
#2 Katy Perry
VS scarlett-johansson, mary-elizabeth-winstead, katy-perry, kate-beckinsale, emma-watson, celeb-jihad
#5 Mary Elizabeth Winstead

Winner: Mary Elizabeth Winstead

 

Upstart and tournament Cinderella story Mary Elizabeth Winstead has made it to the finals to face off against perennial contender Scarlett Johansson. However, for the final match our council of powerful Muslim men have chosen to give the deciding vote to the readers of this holy Islamic celebrity gossip site provided that none of the people voting are infidels, women, or without a proper beard.

The Chest Championship

 

scarlett-johansson, mary-elizabeth-winstead, katy-perry, kate-beckinsale, emma-watson, celeb-jihad
#1 Scarlett Johansson
VS scarlett-johansson, mary-elizabeth-winstead, katy-perry, kate-beckinsale, emma-watson, celeb-jihad
#5 Mary Elizabeth Winstead

Winner: Vote in the comment section below, and may the best breasts win